Dating Apps: What I’ve Learned from My Female Friends (and Their Endless Cringe Stories)

So, as a guy who has sat through countless venting sessions with my female friends about their dating app adventures, let me just say: it’s wild out there. I thought the male experience on dating apps was tough (the rejections, the ghosting, the constant battle to stand out), but it turns out, the female experience is like stepping into a circus where half the performers are just…bad at being human.

Allow me to present the highlights of what I’ve learned about the joys of being a woman on dating apps.

The “Body Count Bragger”

Picture this: My friend matches with a guy who seems normal enough. His profile is decent, no shirtless mirror selfies (a low bar, but hey, progress), and he even uses punctuation in his bio. Then, they start chatting.

Him: “Hey, how’s it going?”

Her: “Good! You?”

Him: “Pretty great. I’ve been with 23 women, by the way. I’ve really grown since then.”

Now, I’m sitting there as she tells me this, trying to make sense of it. Is this a flex? A confession? A game of “Guess How Many Times I’ve Been Ghosted”? Honestly, guys, who told you this was a thing? No woman I know is out here thinking, “Wow, the more women he’s slept with, the more I want to date him!”

Pro tip: Unless someone specifically asks about your “body count,” keep it to yourself. Sharing it unsolicited is like announcing your high score in a video game no one’s playing.

The “Too Straightforward for His Own Good”

Now, I’m all for being direct. In fact, women often complain that guys are too vague about their intentions. But there’s a fine line between being upfront and coming off like a dude in a trench coat asking, “Wanna see something?”

Case in point:

Him: “Hey, you’re cute. Want to meet up tonight?”

Her: “Thanks! I’m not free tonight, though. Maybe later this week?”

Him: “I was hoping we could, you know, have some fun tonight 😉.”

Bro. BRO. First of all, what happened to basic human decency? Second, who thinks this actually works? From what I’ve gathered, this type of approach is about as appealing as stepping on a Lego barefoot. It’s not the confidence—it’s the sheer lack of respect.

The “Wannabe Philosopher”

Ah, yes. The guy who thinks he’s profound because he listens to a podcast or two. He’s here to ask life’s deepest questions…on a dating app.

Him: “What’s your biggest regret in life?”

Her: “Swiping right on you.”

Look, I get it. You’re trying to stand out from the crowd. But asking someone to unpack their emotional baggage before you’ve even exchanged favorite movies? It’s a hard no. Guys, let’s keep it light. Ask her about her favorite pizza toppings or whether she’s a dog or cat person. Save the existential crises for date five—or never.

The “Unicorn”

Now, to be fair, not all guys are disasters on dating apps. My female friends tell me stories about the rare gems they’ve encountered—the ones who are respectful, thoughtful, and genuinely interested in getting to know them. They ask good questions, plan creative dates, and don’t act like they’re auditioning for a reality show called Douchebags of Bumble.

But these men are like spotting Bigfoot: You hear they exist, but you’re never quite sure if it’s a myth. And even when they show up, there’s always the question of, “Will he vanish after three days?” (Spoiler: sometimes, yes.)

The Survival Guide for Guys

So, what’s the takeaway here? How can us men stop being the source of screenshots sent to group chats everywhere? Let me break it down:

 1. Ditch the Ego: Bragging about your “body count” is not impressive—it’s cringey. If a woman wants to know, she’ll ask (and even then, tread carefully).

 2. Be Direct, But Respectful: Want to ask her out? Great. But don’t make it sound like a transactional proposition. Women appreciate honesty, not entitlement.

 3. Keep It Fun: Nobody wants to unpack their childhood trauma in the first conversation. Start with something simple and engaging.

 4. Read the Room: If she’s giving short answers or seems uninterested, don’t push it.

Not every match is meant to be.

Ladies, You’re Saints

Honestly, after hearing these stories, I’ve got a newfound respect for the patience women have. The way they wade through the sea of awkward openers, unsolicited brags, and way-too-forward messages is nothing short of heroic. And despite it all, they still hold out hope for that one normal, decent, and (hopefully) punctuation-using guy.

So, here’s to the women who keep swiping, keep laughing, and keep calling us out when we screw up. And to my fellow guys: Let’s do better. The bar is already low—let’s not trip over it.